How Can I Make Someone Tell the Truth?

9 Comments so far

1. Joanna on May 25, 2009 3:21 pm

   I always get confused, since you look at the person as at a mirror image. So if they lookto their left it’s actually my right, and it takes time to analyze that…besides we tend to get “hypnotyzed” by the words and notice non-verbal communication less. Yet, this is a powerful technique. But let’s not get paranoid over who’s lying to us ;-)

2. Vitalia on May 25, 2009 5:53 pm

   Hi Steve,

   Are you familiar with the Fox prime time T.V. show “Lie to me”? It airs Wednesday nights at 7:00pm central standard time. I believe they just aired the season finale last week. It is a fascinating show about solving crimes based on a “lie detector expert” who is trained to read physical reactions, facial expressions, hand gestures, body language, etc… I highly encourage to tune in next season! :-) Great show!

   I have also read somewhere that another indicator of whether or not someone is lying has to do with how lengthy their excuses or explanations are. For example, sometimes the more detailed someone can describe what happened, quite frequently, the explanation is a complete and total fabrication. What generally occurs is that the alleged liar believes the more details he describes, the more credible he/she will appear to the listener.

   This, of course, may not be the case in 100% of the situations, but we would all be surprised at how much ALL of us lie on a daily basis! Most of the time lying occurs for self-preservation. Perhaps we are trying to raise our own self-esteem, perhaps we are trying to get out of an awkward, uncomfortable, or embarassing situation. Perhaps we are trying to avoid conflict, avoid hurting someone’s feelings, or getting into a confrontation. There are any number of reasons we lie (to others and sometimes even to ourselves).

   If you’re seeking who some of the world’s best liars are, just turn to politics. “Poly” means many and “ticks” means blood suckers. There are many bloddsuckers who are expert liars. Watch their mannerisms and listen to them carefully. Does anyone believe there are any we can trust? I highly doubt it very much.

   Interesting topic Steve and a very relenvant one.

   Maximize Your Potential!

   Vitalia

3. Steve on May 25, 2009 7:11 pm

   @ Joanna:

   Nothing too serious, it’s just a fun game to play :)

   @ Vitalia:

   The “Lie to me,” TV concept sounds interesting. I don’t watch much TV, except for a few re-runs of Seinfeld, Friends and the odd hockey game - go figure I’m Canadian, eh?

4. CJ on May 26, 2009 12:31 am

   Steve,

   I’ve heard about this before and how surprisingly accurate these signs are. As for me, I’m such a terrible liar, I’m better off telling the truth or just keeping my mouth shut anyway. One tool I’ve used is really simple: 5 seconds of silence. Whenever I want to REALLY get to the bottom of an issue, usually involving one of my kids, I make a conscious effort to wait at least 5 seconds after the person I’m talking to finishes. People hate silence and you’d be surprised at how hard it takes for 5 seconds of silence to occur. I find that by keeping quiet and just listening, the liar will ultimately tell on themselves.

5. Vladimir on May 26, 2009 3:24 am

   Hi Steve!

   When I was younger I was interested in the possible ways to recognise whether a person is telling the truth or not. And I was very intrigued in non-verbal behaviour when a couple of years ago I watched this movie with Al Pacino and Colin Farrell about CIA training program. Something similar to what Joanna says - left, right etc.

   Now I can share with you that every time I tell the truth I can recognise whether the opposite side is telling the truth or not.

   It is as simple as that.

   Your spoken truth is your “lie-detector test”.
   My spoken truth is my “lie-detector test”.

   And it is really a fun game to play.

   Best,
   Vladimir

6. Drezz on May 26, 2009 9:51 am

   “There aint no way to hide you’re lying eyes…”

   That’s an Eagles song, isn’t it?

   Anyway - lying is quite the art form when you think about it. It requires a lot of acting and memory skills as well as body control.

   I had read a fascinating set of articles on “effective lying techniques” that I wish I had on hand to link - it basically told you all of the things you should put into practice when you’re telling a “story” so when it comes time to actually lying, you follow the same actions and people wont be led astray by erratic behaviour.

   One of the items mentioned was eye position and there was a rationale similar to the NLP one you just talked about.

   It was basically a set-up where you ask a question about an event that you and the liar witnessed, where you study the liar’s face and eye position. Then after that, you ask a similar question about an event where you were not present and let the liar do his/her thing and you compare the expressions.

   If they’re honest, the pattern remains the same - if they break from that comfort pattern, they’re thinking too much and at an obvious discomfort.

   The body does weird things in stressful moments.

7. Steve on May 26, 2009 12:37 pm

   @ CJ - that is a great point! I didn’t realize it until you mentioned it CJ, but I also unconsciously do the same thing with my coaching clients so that I give them the space to open up about a problem or challenge that is on their mind. I also do this when I’m in a conversation with Trisha.

   @ Drezz - I love it when you said, “quite the art form,” and it’s so true. It takes creative thinking to be a good liar :)

8. Belle on May 26, 2009 5:45 pm

   Hmmm… I’m definitely going to watch my high school students and my personal training clients. Will keep you posted :)

9. Taylorlord on May 28, 2009 1:55 am

   Hey good video, I like your style and format of your content :)!