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3 Things You MUST Know to Overcome Fear

November 11, 2009 by Steve

Sometimes we don’t recognize fear for what it really is.  We give it other disguises and names like self-sabotage, procrastination or just being plain lazy.  But if you dig deeper to those dark layers we all have, you realize that your resistance is based in fear.

To overcome your fear you’ve got to start by recognizing fear for what it really is.

#1. Recognize What Fear Is and Is Not

Realize that there is only one moment and that moment is n-o-w.  If you really take the time to dissect and look at your fear, you’ll see something completely obvious.  Fear is not something that is happening now, it’s something that you’ve predicted to happen in the future.  Here’s a quick excerpt I picked up from the definition of fear in Wikipedia:

“Fear always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable.”

You could say that fear is how you feel (emotionally) about something that hasn’t even happened yet. Isn’t that interesting?   It’s not something that is happening n-o-w, but something you expect to happen.  And that expectation builds the feeling of fear.

Now I wouldn’t put all fears in this category.  If you’re in the North American Rockies and you run into a grizzly bear, you’d be afraid.  I’d be afraid too.  You didn’t make up the grizzly bear in your head, it’s sitting right there in front of you.

But back to my point.  There is only one of two places your fear can come from: either internal memories or external images in the n-o-w.  I’d say 99% of those images are self created, internal images.

#2. Are you proactive or re-active?

The neighbors dog always barks at the mail man.  He’s been doing that for the past two years.  The problem is that the neighbors dog is a huge German Sheppard so half the neighborhood can hear him.

What’s really interesting is that this German Sheppard is a real big baby.  You’d think he was all tough the way he barks behind that fence, but my experience tells me another story.

Just the other day something really interesting happened.  I was outside and I heard him barking behind the fence.  He couldn’t see me and I couldn’t see him.  I’m not quite sure, but I thought maybe he heard me or smelt me and that set off his barking.  But still, this dog knows me very well so it was odd to hear him barking at me.

A few minutes later the neighbor let him out and as soon as the German Sheppard saw me - he stopped barking.  As I saw him calm down I went up to see him.  His eyes were are glazed over like he just saw a ghost.  Poor guy, I wonder what sort of pictures he was putting in his head?  Something scared the beejeezus out of him - and obviously, it wasn’t me.

But we do the same thing, don’t we?

We think of an unlikely future situation, something that hasn’t even happened yet; and then we play it over and over again in our minds, scaring ourselves silly.

You could just as easily play a funny image over and over again and make yourself laugh hysterically…. but we don’t seem to do that.

#3. You Can Eliminate Fear in Less Than 60 Minutes

Yes, you can eliminate fears that quickly.  It’s no voodoo or black magic.  You just need to know how the mind works and how quickly it can change.

I’ve worked with a few friends to help them eliminate fear.  One had a terrible reaction to bees.  He would panic everytime he saw one.  After a few sessions together he stopped panicking.  Makes for a better camping experience because he loves the outdoors.  Just recently he moved to a small town outside of the city - I’m sure they’ve got plenty of bees, but that doesn’t seem to bother him.

The reason you can eliminate fears so quickly is because of how the brain is structured and how it works. The brain uses chemicals and electricity to communicate with other parts of the brain.

To keep things simple just think of the brain as a big pile of spaghetti.  When you get scared, a stimulus (something you hear, see or feel) triggers electrical current to flow through that piece of spaghetti (the neural strand).  And that spaghetti noodle leads the current in your brain to re-create that scary experience - even though it isn’t real.  I’ve drawn it for you below.

Rewire Your Brain

Rewire Your Brain

What I do is find the stimulus that triggers the scary experience and associate it with a more pleasant experience.  That way, the next time a stimulus sets off the trigger, your brain automatically sends those electrical signals along a new neural strand - so you don’t replay those scary experiences in your head anymore.

Your brain loves making associations so this works really well.

Some people will tell you that you have to eliminate your fears with years of therapy, but that’s not true.  If you’re in the area, drop in and I’ll help you eliminate your fear - well for a fee.  It’s going to cost you, but I promise not to scare you away with the price :)

You can learn more here: 6 Most Common Questions About Coaching


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Have an opinion? Comments welcome.

5 Comments so far

  1. Jacqueline WalesNo Gravatar on November 11, 2009 10:28 am

    Thanks Steve.

    I especially like the part where you talk about rewiring your brain.

    Motivation is a huge factor in making changes in your life, and positive feelings in your mind are the most basic and important function to practice, in order to see results.

    Cheers,

    Jacqueline Wales

  2. KEN J MEAKINNo Gravatar on November 11, 2009 11:01 am

    Replace fear is a state of mind with faith

  3. Bob BrummNo Gravatar on November 11, 2009 11:08 am

    Very good article. I appreciate this insight as I speak to many groups and FEAR comes up a lot. Especially with kids. I help them to see that FEAR is False Expectations Appearing Real and people are only born with three fears. The rest are learned.

    Your concept of “re-wiring” helps the “un-learn” these fears.

    Keep up the good work. If I can help you, please feel free to contact me.

  4. Ericka D. JacksonNo Gravatar on November 11, 2009 5:43 pm

    Steve,
    Great blog entry. I actually help people eliminate fear with the understanding that it is a very real spirit and procrastination, doubt, clutter, disorganization ,etc. are fruits or are produced by the presence of the spirit. I love that you give people tools to deal with it in the “natural” though.

    Keep up the amazing work! - Ericka

  5. Loren FogelmanNo Gravatar on December 26, 2009 1:30 pm

    My goal is to always turn a negative into a positive. Important to remember that FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. As you mentioned, you can reframe and that begins to eliminate the negative association which is contributing to the fear.

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