Archives for Relationships
Finding your soulmate happens when you least expect it. It did for me.
It happened back in the summer of 2001.
I had just graduated from University as a Mechanical Engineer.
As summer was in full swing, I was doing the dating thing – and hooking up with any females that caught my eye. I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship – far from it. I just wanted to have fun and explore.
Funny enough… as I was exploring I did have a few specs on my sweetheart.. the perfect girl for me. She had to be athletic… the sporty type who likes to workout or play competitive sports. I was also looking for a blonde… but hair color wasn’t a huge factor, as long as she was physically fit and sexy (at least to me).
Three months later I met my wife - Trisha.
We met in 2001 and then got married in 2006. We don’t have any kids (yet) – just our pooch, Chloe. It’s just the three of us and that’s the way we like it.
I love being married because I married my best buddy. My wife says the same thing about me.
Want to stand out in your career? Want to be one of the top performers in your field? Want to make a bigger difference?
Learn and understand how other people work.
When you learn how people work you can take your toughest clients and turn them into your biggest fans. You can turn your worst nightmares into substantial opportunities. You can turn your failures into your greatest lessons. You just need to understand how people work.
In fact, it’s quite easy. Anyone can do it.
Yes – even you.
I’ve worked with hundreds of engineers over the last decade. Some of these engineers have been some of my close friends and others have been some of the smartest people I know.
These engineers have all sorts of qualifications, training and degrees from some of the most respected Universities in North America – if not the entire world.
What I have found is that no matter how smart, intelligent or well intended these engineers are – a great number of them lack true genius: the ability to effectively communicate and connect with the clients they are trying to serve.
I always tell the junior engineers I work with this: 90% of the problems that will show up on a project will come up as a result of poor communication or a lack of communication altogether with the client or the project team.
It happens because many engineers don’t understand how people work.
Yes – they understand technology, principals and theory. The very essence of engineering – the practice of using and applying scientific knowledge to design and build machines, devices, processes, etc.
Working with people who irritate you on a regular basis can drain your energy and dampen your spirits. I came across a situation like this last week. In this video I share how I dealt with this person in a supportive way that was a win-win and what you can do with people who irritate you.
Click here to read more…
Happiness is an inside job. We all know that, but sometimes our actions tell a different story. You just have to look at the way people act to see what they’re thinking.
If you pay close attention to what brings many people happiness you’ll soon realize that it’s based on what’s happening in their outer world. The logic being that having things a certain way on the outside will make them happy on the inside.
At least that’s what we’re taught. Just think about when you were very little. The ice cream man showed up and you were filled with delight. Santa delivered those presents on Christmas Eve and you were ecstatic. When you got what you wanted on the outside, you were happy on the inside. The stimulus created the response. The having created the happiness.
A great number of people still do this. I heard a friend of mine once say, “We just can’t get things to click, but when she’s happy I’m happy.” It’s no crime to be happy for others, just don’t make it a habit to rely on outer circumstances to create your own happiness. If you can only find happiness when others are happy around you then It’s a sign of attachment.
Realize this: being happy is your job. It’s job #1.
The whole problem with “having to create happiness” is that you’re relying on outer circumstances to be absolutely perfect. But what if they’re not perfect? Then what? Are you going to wait it out until it is? And what if it’s only perfect for a few hours or even a few minutes? Are you only going to be happy for a few minutes and then go back to feeling miserable?
It’s craziness if you ask me. You never want to rely on your outer circumstances to create the way you feel. Start training yourself to be happy right now without needing to have everything perfect on the outside. Start from within. Here are 5 questions to get you started so that you can bring more happiness into your life.
5 Questions to Bring More Happiness Into Your Life
November 16, 2009 | 204 Comments
Don’t you just love it, when you tell someone you’re going to do something that’s never been done before and they say, “You can’t do that!” And then somehow that idea seem to stick in your head, playing over and over again.
Know what I mean?
How to Deal With Negative People (and their Negative Thoughts)
The real trick is recognize what I call your conditioned response. You see, sometimes another person will say something and that triggers the PLAY button to one of a million mental programs. This isn’t true for everyone, but you might want to take this little test first to be sure.
Here’s the video:
Does it sound too good to be true? Well it’s not as far fetched as you think. To be completely honest, you can’t get coaching without paying anything; at least not from someone who is any good. A good coach charges good money just like a good mechanic will charge a premium dollar to keep your car in tip-top shape.
Imagine this: you pull up to a stop light and suddenly a wheel from your car goes flying down the street? That’s exactly what happened to my dad when he bought his first car in the late 1970′s. It’s funny to think of it now, but at the time he didn’t think so. Apparently, the shop mechanic messed up. He didn’t use the proper torque setting when tightening the bolts on the wheels of the car.
Could you imagine working with a coach who didn’t understand the inner workings – the nuts and bolts of your mind? That could get messy. It takes someone with real skill and intuitive ability to be the right coach for you – and you’re going to have to pay good money for that coaching.
So if it’s going to cost you money, then how do you get life coaching for free?
It’s really not that complicated, but our brains like to mess things up sometimes. In this article I’ll share exactly how I received $1,800 in training and coaching without using any of my own money.
Life Coaching for Free, You Must Be Joking?
Nope. Anyone can do it – even you. There are a few things you’ve got to understand before your get free coaching. There is a strategy.
The first thing to understand is that you must be in a position to receive some sort of training. That way someone else can fetch the bill. This approach works very well for employees.
The reason this is true is because business owners will pay for training that develops their people – because their employees are their greatest asset. Your boss wants to develop you so that you’ll produce – and hopefully in some way increase the overall profits of the company.
And if it’s not money s/he’s looking for, the boss is always willing to spend a few bucks on someone who is really good – a real performer – because they wouldn’t want you to get up, leave and go work for the competition.
How does this get me free life coaching? Click here to read more…
August 18, 2009 | 10 Comments
Listen in to an interview between myself and Monique Gallagher, Cybernetics Transposition Mastery Coach. Monique has an interesting approach to the very complex science of Cybernetics Transposition created by Stuart Lichtman. In this interview, Monique shares some effective strategies that will help you gain insight as to what may be holding you back and what tools can help you achieve bigger things in your life.
Here’s the podcast:
Download MP3 (50.47 Minutes, 58.1 MB)
Here is what you’ll learn from Monique in this interview:
- The reason and source of all self-sabotage
- 3 ways to recognize self-sabotage when working with a coach
- 2 processes to resolve self-sabotaging “blockers”
- what Monique calls “cell level memories” and how to eliminate them
I’ve also include a link to a special process that Monique uses to help her clients eliminate self-sabotage. The process is called Free Form Associative writing and you can download the pdf here.
See this link to learn more about the powerful processes of Cybernetics Transpostion and Monique Gallagher’s True Self Calls.
This post is the second of two posts in response to the questions I received last week: What’s Your Most Burning Question? The topics covered in this set of questions and answers include relationships, career transition and how to believe in your dreams.
Question #6: “My question is why can’t I decide about who I want to be with. The one I have is dear to me, but he doesn’t match me in my purpose for life. I am emotionally attached to him. I am not attracted to him, but he is the one I call when I have time. I worry what would happen to him if I marry someone else. I worry if that someone else is going to work out for me or not.” ~ kept anonymous
All this worry is rooted in your mindset. I don’t know what books on self-improvement you’ve been reading, but that would be the first place to start changing it. Your mindset controls everything so start filling your mind with something good. Here are a few products I recommend:
Now to the real problem. You said you can’t decide who you want to be with? The solution: instead of deciding make a choice. Choose who you want to be with based on what you want. If you ask me why I blog and coach, I’d probably say, “because it’s something I want to do.” I don’t need to give any reasons.
It’s just what I want to do.
Here’s another way to look at it. When you make a decision, your decision is based on a reason:
Reasons > Decide > Act
But when you make a choice, there is no reason. There is only a choice:
Choose > Act
So you can keep making decisions until the cows come home and you still won’t be happy. Why? Because you’re making decisions based on your reasons. And you’re reasons for doing something are not going to make you any happier.
What will make you happy is to choose the person you want to be with – your choice is based on what you want. When you want something, you just want it – there are no reasons to explain why.
It’s like asking someone how they know if they’re in love? They can’t tell you. They just know.
So the real key here is to begin choosing what you want instead of deciding. If you let your reasons decide then you’re not in control, your reasons ARE. When I started coaching I didn’t start because of the reasons, I started because I wanted to do it, which threw Trisha for a loop. She was like why do you want to be a coach?
And I couldn’t give her any reasons – at least not any good ones because I just wanted to do it. That was it. So that’s what I told her, “I want to do it.” There weren’t any reasons.
On the other hand think about why a lot of people go to their job. They go to their job because:
- they have to pay the bills
- they need to make a living
- it’s the only thing they know how to do to make money
These are all reasons for going to a job, but they are not choices. Choices come from what you want – they come from the inside. If you want to be happier, then start choosing what you want.
Question #7: “I am an educator with over 22 years of experience. I have been ready to make a shift to teaching dance as a means to acquire fitness and wellness. I am very good at it!
My problem is, I feel stuck – a teaching job pays more right now but it does not bring me the joy I experience when I do my dance fitness program.
How do I make my career change? I have been learning about personal growth, visualization, law of attraction and prosperity and goal setting. I just don’t know how to go from where I am to my dream profession.” ~ Belle Click here to read more…
Last week I posted a question: What is Your Most Burning Question? The feedback I received was phenomenal and these are by far the most interesting and challenging questions I have received. Make sure to have a look if you are at all interested in the topics of overcoming resistance to change, eliminating negative emotions, creating focus and the Law of Attraction.
Here are the questions and my answers:
“I’ve been slowly working towards changing my life for the better and lately I’ve been making good progress but I feel there’s some deeply-held belief that is holding me back.
What do you do when you sense a “resistance” to your manifesting but can’t seem to pinpoint exactly what it is?” ~ Dave Witwicki
Overcoming Resistance to Change
Dave, this is a great question. You want to start looking at the source of this internal resistance, which can show up as body pain. For me, it’s shown up in many different ways. It’s shown up as a headache, sore back and sometimes just a general feeling of being extremely fatigued. Any sort of body pain is a red flag that you have internal resistance.
This becomes more obvious the more you study the relationship between the mind and body. One resource that is worth purchasing to become more aware of this relationship is Lise Bourbeau’s book: Love Yourself. This book is an encyclopedia for metaphysical causes of disease.
I’ve mentioned Lise’s book before because I find her insights valuable. Here’s a specific example you can read about where I resolved my own migraine pain by becoming aware of this mind body relationship: Can Your Mind Cause Body Symptoms?
With my clients, I follow a slightly different process. I usually start by asking these questions:
- Do you feel any pain in your body?
- If so, where does this pain occur? (i.e. head, chest, abdomen, foot, etc.)
- Describe the pain and how it feels to you. (i.e. sharp, continuous, throbbing, aching, etc.)
Once I get to this point, I will walk through a series of new questions (that don’t necessarily follow a specific pattern). These questions help my clients elicit their deeper concerns.
In some cases their concerns are eliminated by purely expressing them; other times something more is required like taking a specific action. Once these concerns have been addressed, the pain usually goes away. When the pain is gone, the resistance disappears.
To be truthful, I’ve never been in a situation where this hasn’t been effective. It’s amazing how accurate you can pinpoint problems and internal resistance by working with how your body feels.
“I’m at a different stage in my life than many of your readers/listeners. My husband and I are retired and getting more involved in volunteer activities.
My problem: many volunteer opportunities seem to involve a lot of “wheel-spinning”. Areas that need volunteers (education, for instance) are often ones which aren’t working well. But volunteers are expected to just help shore up the existing system. What seems to be needed is systemic change.
How do I, and others, become change agents in a way that makes sense and doesn’t threaten those operating within the systems so much that we are shut out?” ~ Margaret Smith Click here to read more…
I think deep down everyone has a burning desire to be great. They want to be the best plumber, the best carpenter, the best mechanic, the best engineer, the best lawyer. They want to be the best dad, the best mom, the best uncle, the best cousin and the best friend. They simply want to be the best – they want to be great.
It’s human nature to want more for ourselves and to want more for others. It’s natural to want to grow and be more.
The other day a good friend of mine gave me a call. We were talking about a recent promotion that I was passed up for. I work full time as a project manager and had been told that I was going to receive a huge bonus for work well done but the compensation didn’t fall through. I was offered a title change but nothing else.
I wasn’t in the best place and my wife and I hadn’t talked in almost 36 hours because of our conflicting schedules. It was in that 36 hour that I received a call from a good friend of mine – my friend Jason.
I was really upset that I had been passed for promotion because I thought there was something wrong with me. Jason didn’t see it that way. He asked me what had happened and listened to my story.
While we were on the phone, something happened. I’m not quite sure what happened, but I felt a shift – I felt lighter. I shared my story with Jason and he just listened.
When I was all done he just said the most beautiful words. He said, Steve, with your skills and experience you can work anywhere you want. You’re going to do great things. I told him how much I appreciated his call and he told me, No Steve. Thank-you. My heart melted. I felt like crying but I didn’t.